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Posts tagged ‘walgreens’

Beware The Box

If you saw the prior blog post, you’d know how intense the box prank was. This time, I took my camera into work and we got some footage.

Although this footage is nowhere, and I mean nowhere, close to the original run, it was still funny as hell for us and just a little exclusive peak at what it’s like to work with us :).

Mobile viewers can watch it here

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You Scare Me To Reeses

Tonight was definitely the home of my first true Walgreens memory, hands down!

Its nearing closing time and one of my co-workers comes in to get something. He’s not working, just needed to pick something up. So he gets it, and we’re talking but my manager pages me to call her back. He instead, pages her to joke around. She says cool, can you both come downstairs and help me out real quick.

We descend down the stairs, both clueless as to what is going on. We figured she just wants to talk about something for tomorrow. We get downstairs and she asks us to help her move this big box. We both get closer and the second we touch it, the magic begins.

One of my other co-workers is in the box. She jumps out with a Scream mask on! I barely flinch, and I’m not saying this because I’m the author, I’m just not scared by pop-out-of-nowhere stuff so easily. Creepy sounds will get me in the dark before someone jumping out will.

Anyway, as I take a step back, caught off guard, the dude that came down with me TAKES THE FUCK OFF!!! My man ran like 20 feet and onto boxes before he looked back!! If you know me, you know I laugh my ass the fuck off. I immediately hit the ground!! My manager falls over me in laughter. 2 grown ass people on the floor holding our stomachs! It was hilarious!!!!

Not only did he run, but my manager had a better view of him the entire time. She sees him jump so hard his Reeses fly out of his hand, he shuffles his feet like a cartoon character, then as he’s running he’s trying so hard to catch the Reeses. It was beautiful! We laughed so hard he got embarrassed, but he’ll live.

Now the plan is to catch everyone! Unfortunately, we didn’t tape this and the security cams aren’t in that one block so there’s no footage. But I’m taking in my camera tomorrow for round 2. Hopefully we can get some ill footage! If we do, you can bet your grandmother it’s going to be here on the my videos page, as well as have an independent post in full detail.

He may not be the one to go with to scary shit, but you damn sure better believe I know who my teammate is if we ever have a relay race!

Note: A grown man came in before that and picked up a Shake Weight and showed his wife how it works. No man should ever show a woman that he knows how to use a Shake Weight and no woman should be with a man who finds the Shake Weight to be cool.

Fin.

Retail Weirdos United

Working 3 to 10:30 until Monday kind of blows. However, working in retail is always fun when it comes to the weirdos. Yesterday was a prime example.

Yesterday, it’s about 5 o’clock when I hear someone screaming,

Yeah wha-eva wha-eva nigga!

Assuming there is going to be a fight I walk to the front. What do I see? Some hoodrat running into our store staying in plain view of the security cameras as some dude rushes in ready to play Super Punchout with her face. There she stands, taunting him with her hood vernacular while he tightens his fist. We (3 boys) get closer. One of my co-workers crosses paths with them, and the dude almost goes to fight him thinking he was about to get at him. No incident though, we just stay close. Fisticuffs then tells the chick that she can’t hide forever. He walks out… this dumb broad walks out behind him. We would have gotten in if he hit her, but nobody is leaving the store to defend you when you’re following that muthafucker. That’s your issue, parking lot pimpin’!

Hours pass without any significant incident. We close at 10pm. It’s now 9:56pm and this lady walks in with her son to check out the clearance cart. She bends down and goes,

Do I have any crack showing? ‘Cause that’s not sexy!

One or two of my co-workers looked and this lady was fueled. She might be a stripper or something because once the glance, which they took more out of not comprehending what she said than wanting to see her ass crack, took place the show began. She keeps this conversation about her ass going for about 3 or 4 minutes. Saying that she saw one of my co-workers check it out. We’re all dying laughing and then I hear over the intercom a womans voice announcing the store closing. It was just one of the guys joking around though. So the crack gets to the register and begins laughing about how she loves coming here at night because we’re funny. Meanwhile we’re thinking no… YOU’RE funny!

After checking out, my co-worker steps up on the platform and asks,

If I was this tall would you date me?

Her response sent his brain down to Mardi Gras. She looks at him and says,

Yeah, I guess it could work. It would be the perfect height.

As she says this she practically salutes his penis, grabs her sons hand, and walks out like nothing ever happened.

My co-worker now, walks her to the door, locks it and just stares at her as she turns around, both of them probably thinking the same thing.

Damn, I could have gotten some sex tonight!

Retail rawks my world!

Closing and Opening

Today was the first day I opened the store so damn early. Last time I did, I was given 45 more minutes to come back to life. There I was, at 7:39am, ready for work and locked outside. I tap the glass like 4 times and out comes Elena. She’s in full zombie mode. I guess she got there a few minutes before me since she’s still in slippers.

I woke up with no energy from so little sleep since I stayed up after we closed last night. About 4 hours of sleep. I can deal with that. But a bum tummy this morning left me with no option but to pass on the breakfast. This made my day the longest of all time.

I worked from 7:45am to 3:15pm on pure fumes. Give me fumes and I’ll make you a fuckin rock star though! I needed energy quickly. So I made it. I have now officially been labelled the craziest employee in the store, but the most fun. I sang every song in the book, or rather on the store radio. Full high pitch, sounding like a girl, and walking around like I was one of Hitler’s long lost soldiers (minus the heil).

Between skipping up and down aisles like a school girl and telling people to enjoy their milk responsibly, I was dead tired! At one point I fell asleep with my forehead on a bottle of water. How I managed to balance my body on that without slamming down to the counter is beyond me.

This entire day made me really get a hang of the whole mind over matter thing. I can psyche myself into anything fairly easy. It’s the not looking at the clock part that’s hardest. Once again today, I got stuck with main. I hate main! I’d much rather be on the floor where the action is and I don’t have to deal with people asking me why the cigarettes are so expensive. You smoked a pack on the way here lady. What the hell are you acting surprised for?!

Anyway, the close to open is rough! Next time, I need to bring some proper entertainment. I am open to suggestions. Also, if you have an oompa loompa or know where I can get one so I can sit on its shoulders, please… do not hesitate to let me know. Thank you!

The Walgreens Experience

So, I’m now working at Walgreens. Not the most glamorous of jobs, but definitely gets me some okay change while in school. Fortunately this semester I’m running on Monday and Wednesday from after noon until night. Crystal is running same days, but from morning to night. She’s crazy wazy. I need to remember to give her a carry-anywhere teddy bear to give her some kind of relief during the day.

Being at WG has been a pretty cool experience considering I’ve only been there since Friday and they already have me on the floor. Holy Jesus Christmas is it torture to be behind a register all day. I’m a little bit zany, so I space out way too often. At one point I found myself singing. The lyrics? Cigarette brands. It went something like this (performed to the waltz)…

“Newports, newports, newports, newports. Can I get some cancer, in the form of some Marlboro Lights 100’s…”

The people I now work with are all cool. They all have their own little thing that makes them different, but for the most part they all have their light side. No jerks so far.

I am crazy. We’ve established this, yes? I’m already starting to turn the place out. I’ve got employees laughing harder than anyone has ever heard them laugh in the entire time they’ve been there, I have the quiet ones getting a little crazy, I do believe I’m contagious, and I even get to have some fun with customers every now and then.

Although I wish I was making a lot more money (God knows this is very true) everything is a learning experience and there are probably a few lessons just waiting to be absorbed here. So far so good, and hopefully things remain that way.

I had my first closing shift last night and damn was it a breeze! Maybe just because the only other place I’ve had to “close” is Applebee’s all those years ago and let me tell you, it stinks, literally and figuratively.

Employee discount will be going to stocking this house with food, which we all know, or should know, that I LOVE to eat. So this should be pretty kick ass when I’m ready to stock up on my grubtastic energy.

I’m off until Thursday and now I don’t even know what to do with myself. I have Brooklyn’s Finest sitting next to me because I rented it last night from the RedBox (not just any box that is red) and I have yet to even sit down to watch it. Crystal and I went to see it a while back but we were uh, (cough), distracted.

I write because I love it.

You read because you’re strange.

I love strange.

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