For some odd reason, beyond comprehension, it’s far easier for me to face a situation head on even when I know the outcome will be disaster than it is for me to watch it burn from a distance. Lately, there have been just way too many changes in my life. From the way I’ve felt, to the things I see, to the people I deal with. So off balance, but this is life.
Now it’s time to rebuild, but the hardest part is re-finding self. I feel like I need a map to find myself. The old me – crazy son a lady. I feel too locked down within my own mind. Rules, rules, rules – I break.
Right now, my brain is a complicated package. Things seem to make as much sense as bags of water. Fuck am I supposed to close this after the first sip? Just dump it out? That’s it?
Maybe I do need to dump everything and start off fresh. Humans annoy me. That last part was completely irrelevant, but I’m not hitting backspace. Now its just a matter of Pandora radio and headphones and the one candle that flickers until it’s almost out even though there is no cross wind in here. Paranormal Activity in my pants!
My pants are in no way affiliated with my frustrations.
Either way, myself and my pants both have some soul searching to do. I was on the edge, I hated the edge. Now I’m back in the middle of the ring and ready to fight. This is where all the magic is.
This entire post makes no sense to you if you have no clue of the events, however, I do thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to read my nonsense. It really means something. What that is, I am not sure of. But it means SOMETHING.
School life can be so confusing. What is it about college that just robs you of all of your cognitive resources? Working 40 hours a week on top of that isn’t exactly helping me either.
Too many people are all over in my world. Either too happy for me, and making me want to punch them in the nose or all depressing making me want to toss them into an incinerator. What?!
Chipotle and liquor seems to be the temporary fix to the madness. The elevator to a higher state of being. I like this. That first sip, it’s sort of like the opening credits, you know. But soon its the 50th sip and it’s like the best part of the movie. Everything is moving fast and slow at the same time. I can’t stand. Or can I? I’m not too sure. My feet seem to be in the right place, but my body is offset. Leaning tower of ninja?
Emotions? They run wicked circles around my head like it’s the worlds most intriguing relay race. Pass the baton!!
My writing? Yeah, that’s my medicine. My friends, some of them cease to exist in my world. Sad, really, but what can I do. You live and grow. Sometimes you outgrow them, sometimes they outgrow you.
Music is still the kids best therapy. A few songs in my BlackBerry and my Skull Candy headphones make it rotate with very little discretion. My iPod, I might as well sell it. I hate needing to have that special piece to charge it in the wall. Fuck your splice.
My throat, feeling like a cats scratching post. Tea won’t help. Maybe work will?
Yeah, work will do. My raise is reflected in tomorrows check. Lets see how much of a difference it makes. I’ll try not to spend it all in one place while drinking my juice in the hood.
I feel like MC Hammer. I need more money. Except, my pants fit. Lets drive off.