So many words. Not enough paper in this world. Don't hurt the trees over me.

Posts tagged ‘fear’

Lose You To Find Who

I had a strange experience two nights ago. The pressures of life, not too bad, came down on me. Emotions took the blunt of it. Everything piles up and sometimes the hardest thing to do is make sense of it all. Its like being dizzy and wanting to throw up but needing to solve a puzzle in order to get in the door. Bad analogy? Welcome to my life.

Its so strange how losing yourself, even if for one moment of an uncharacteristic breakdown can bring you back down to earth, where you know what is going on.

It sucks to hit the breaking point. You feel weak, hopeless, and utterly baffled by your own thoughts and emotions. You believe you feel nothing. Perhaps, you just don’t know what you feel. To not have, and to not have a clue, in regards to emotions are two different things.

All in all, the car crash seems to send the jolt you need. Then you’re back in the drivers seat. Staring in the rear view mirror. You lost yourself, but who you’ve found, a more profound reason to keep on fighting, breathing, and living, is the who. Who you were and who you are, two separate beings. Who are you now? Embrace it.



So this what it sounds like… the doves are done crying. In fact, they’ve met death. I guess they’re un-flying.

Plummeting from sky and… jumping upside down, to reach ground, and say goodnight, friend. Thunder, please save my lighting.

Please save my love and life friend. The best I know, she is! The best I know we’ve been. It’s just we have our problems.

I break down and cry, she does too. How can we solve them? Is there really a problem or do we fear and start them?

Sometimes it’s just the mental. We fail in there we hit through… the glass basement where facing off is our worse decision.

It could be worse, but given… our past and prior yearning, our last, our higher learning, I think we have to earn it.

You be my armor I swear to karma, I’ll be yours.

You Scare Me To Reeses

Tonight was definitely the home of my first true Walgreens memory, hands down!

Its nearing closing time and one of my co-workers comes in to get something. He’s not working, just needed to pick something up. So he gets it, and we’re talking but my manager pages me to call her back. He instead, pages her to joke around. She says cool, can you both come downstairs and help me out real quick.

We descend down the stairs, both clueless as to what is going on. We figured she just wants to talk about something for tomorrow. We get downstairs and she asks us to help her move this big box. We both get closer and the second we touch it, the magic begins.

One of my other co-workers is in the box. She jumps out with a Scream mask on! I barely flinch, and I’m not saying this because I’m the author, I’m just not scared by pop-out-of-nowhere stuff so easily. Creepy sounds will get me in the dark before someone jumping out will.

Anyway, as I take a step back, caught off guard, the dude that came down with me TAKES THE FUCK OFF!!! My man ran like 20 feet and onto boxes before he looked back!! If you know me, you know I laugh my ass the fuck off. I immediately hit the ground!! My manager falls over me in laughter. 2 grown ass people on the floor holding our stomachs! It was hilarious!!!!

Not only did he run, but my manager had a better view of him the entire time. She sees him jump so hard his Reeses fly out of his hand, he shuffles his feet like a cartoon character, then as he’s running he’s trying so hard to catch the Reeses. It was beautiful! We laughed so hard he got embarrassed, but he’ll live.

Now the plan is to catch everyone! Unfortunately, we didn’t tape this and the security cams aren’t in that one block so there’s no footage. But I’m taking in my camera tomorrow for round 2. Hopefully we can get some ill footage! If we do, you can bet your grandmother it’s going to be here on the my videos page, as well as have an independent post in full detail.

He may not be the one to go with to scary shit, but you damn sure better believe I know who my teammate is if we ever have a relay race!

Note: A grown man came in before that and picked up a Shake Weight and showed his wife how it works. No man should ever show a woman that he knows how to use a Shake Weight and no woman should be with a man who finds the Shake Weight to be cool.


Mad Cows Scare Me

Last night I was hanging out with the boys again. It’s always good to get down with them since we rarely get to see each other; such a far stretch from what we used to be. But we get older, find new interests, new jobs, schools, but we still have our moments. Went out to New Jersey to see Mike and do some barbequeing. Late night double cheeseburgers = hell yeah!

All together we had a pretty okay time. Joey’s last week out here to get together before he goes back to school upstate. It wasn’t our most energetic outing but it definitely had it’s fun side.

I have one concern with the night however. I got severely grossed out by the fact that half way through the second double bacon cheeseburger, I was wondering what that was at the bottom of my burger. Is that cheese or fat? It’s about 10:30 at night and we’re outside. I scoop some off. That looks like cheese. Light is too low though. I choose to investigate this matter further. I get up, with the burger in hand and walk towards the light to realize that the entire center of my burger is pretty much uncooked. The outside was done! Inside, not so much. That was gross. I’m surprised I didn’t throw up on spot, actually.

I don’t know if I’ve told this story (probably not) but 2 semesters ago my favorite professor of all focking time, Professor┬áSiegel, showed us a video on mad cow disease. Now, I love cheeseburgers like Moses loved sandals. I was so bugged out by this video that I didn’t touch a burger for like a 2 months! I finally decided to face my fears a few months back and I’ve been good ever since.

Last night however has terrified me. I spent most of my night, and some of today waiting to feel some symptoms of the mad cow. I’ve been a bit edgy today, to say the least. Is this a symptom? What the fucknuggets?! Am I dying?! My leg feels funny!! Wait… this leg always feels funny, hence the reason I have an appointment for the 25th because of it.

So, I just want to say that if I do in fact get mad cow disease (this is no joke folks, I’m really scared) and I do die, please find Mike and Nick, who cooked the burgers, and kill them for me. If either of you, most likely Mike, are reading this right now you better hope I don’t die.

I’ll have the KKK come over and kill you. I don’t care if you’re white, Mike! I’m not afraid… to take a stand!

Tan power!!

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