So many words. Not enough paper in this world. Don't hurt the trees over me.

Posts tagged ‘failure’

The Fold

Right now, in a time when I’d rather just close my eyes. Just listen to the movement.

Feel all your words in my heart until they move it. Lose it all when my eyes come to life and…

…for my life I’d choose fight before flight but I’d fly for the fight just to show you the sky.

Show you your limits, demise, and inhibit your lines from their heir and show them my fear.

Show them my terror, feed them their errors. Underestimate and trust me, you will take…

…every action I dictate to you, puppet. I love it, just fight it, say fuck it, and tough it out.

What you talk about, Willis, I talk about vivid enough to expose all your lies. Now you’re livid?

I die for this passion, my heart is a tragedy waiting to happen and now in this trap I break free of my master, the key, what they see, what I feel, it’s just two different things, so my third is a wrench in the wheels of this dream, you will fall to my tampering. Blood on this scene…

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In The Line of Fire

Seems I’m mistaken, when I’m told to just relax is when I need to be on my toes. I need to follow my nose.

Smell the difference in a truth and lies to pacify behind the lines of what I know and what I’m shown, ’cause there’s a difference.

Don’t tell me just to listen. Don’t tell me it’s so plain to see. Behind these eyes lies a fire soul. Please, don’t play with me.

Please, don’t lay with me in hopes of someting different when the difference is I’m far from not caring. Shit, I’m livid.

Depicted vividly, shots that I took with sympathy. But simply it’s a matter of opinion versus fact.

And this is tat for tit, hit or miss, I’m bound to hit something soon. Violent as my inner child, things I should have seen sooner.

So now with my firearm, my words, my deadly weapon. I stand in the line of fire. Me to you, who’s best then?

Lone Hate

To make hate a technique for coping with vulnerability, is to make a mistake with a blade in a room of enemies.

So you become yourself and them too within this room of nightmares. But right here you end it all. You kill them by killing you.

Or that part you hate. Is it really that hard? You use it for your armor, are you proud of that guard?

Anyone who comes close you stand clear without ’em. You stand alone. You die alone. Now show them how you’re ’bout it.

Show them how you’ve learned to hate when love makes them doubt it. Show them how you’d love to make believers of these doubters.

Revel in their chants, “You can’t make it here without us!” Let them see your tears don’t exist to hit these flowers.

So when they tell you love, you continue just to hate. When they hit the gateway to your heart, let them wait.

Prove it to me! Let me see! Show me something different! If not, then I ask you, what the fucks the point of living?!

Safe From Harm

I’m my worst enemy at times, and still my best friend. I’m the curse in the dimmer light, and the sun at the end…

..of the road long ventured and cursed in admiration. To my bones, I’m disaster and your love is my vacation.

So I face you with a smile, but a heart that’s built from turmoil. The pain I can bare, but your tears are my fear.

Do I walk and stop hurting you? Or fight to keep you close? Am I positive because what we’ve become is now my host?

So it seats me to my table to be fed my own heart. I eat until content and gone far beyond my mark.

If I do this to myself, with total disregard how do I, realistically, expect to keep you safe from harm?

Make Me Stop

Emotionally, I’m wreck in a sense that, my insecurities, they eat me alive easily.

I watch myself in the mirror and hold back tears knowing damn well my sleeves spell out my vast fears.

My last hairs stand at 90 degrees. I feel I’m dying from the inside. Inspire me, please!

Show me there’s more to this road than just reaching the end and just leaving my breath to live without me.

If it wasn’t for the moves I made, could I doubt me? Would it really hurt them to go on the road without me?

Would it be better if I never made this about me? Perhaps, I’m the reason everything collapses so quick.

So sick of being the victim. Just kill me. Hope reincarnation will spare me the same feeling.

I want to destroy. I want you to watch. Heart as a target. Please God, help me to stop!

The Toughest Thing

One of the toughest things in life can be to recognize that you aren’t as good as you think you are, and accept it, knowing it’s the truth. One of the toughest things in life is to say I’m sorry, especially when your jaded perception has left you with little clue as to where you went wrong. It doesn’t matter who said, did, broke what. The fact is that someone got hurt in the process. So I apologize.

Life changes in the blink of an eye. I’m lucky for everything I have, especially with my screwed up attitude. I take everything as a personal challenge, even the feelings of others expressed to me. I have an answer for everything. That’s what my dad used to say. I guess I really do, huh? I fire my words with little to no regard for how they may hurt another person. Completely uncalled for, I now understand. I lack respect. Respect for someones space. Respect for someones time and efforts. I admit, I do ask too much of people. There are certain things I’m very weak at. Those things, I begin to exercise today until I become stronger.

Crystal says she demands one thing – respect. Respect I haven’t given her. That kills me inside. To hear her the way she sounded broke me. I feel as if I’ve already lost her, it just takes one more push. My exes would smile reading this, as it is exactly what they were talking about. I never got it until now. I guess because I never cared like I do now. I’ve never before been afraid of someone leaving me, getting sick of me, hating me, the way I am now. I try, in general, to not let fear lead me. This situation, however, leaves me so afraid I don’t know which way to go. Hopefully, I can figure it out before it’s too late.

Between her and I, and this issue with her mom and I, this disaster has gotten far too out of hand and its about time I kill all the bullshit and step up to the plate and be a man about things. Stop viewing Crystal as my girlfriend, my possession, and start seeing her as a person, an individual with her own thoughts, feelings, actions, habits, and emotions. I wrote her mother a letter today, which I hope gets read. Only time will tell. If she never forgives me, or likes me, I guess I can deal with that. But I feel much better now to actually say something about it, say something to her, to let her know I love and respect her, as well.

All in all, I’ve realized that I’m not as good a person as I once thought I was. Nor am I as thoughtful as I once believed. Every day is a new opportunity to change something, and today is my first day on the job. I hope in time I can make a difference. Although I cannot do anything about the things I’ve done thus far, I hope to be able to create something new. Start off fresh. Maybe one day things will change for the better.

I prayed for forgiveness, I prayed for clarity. I thank God for my moment of it.

Just Open Arms

Love is the most powerful force known to man (and camel). Love can be the deadliest weapon on the planet. You can’t see it, smell it, hear it, or taste it (unless you’re nasty ;D), but when it hits you, you damn sure feel it.

Through the controversy we speak about the things love gives us. The things love enables us to give one another. Everything that we give to one another is something to be protected. However, in the wrong hands, or even in the right hands at the wrong time, this can become a weapon.

I learn my lesson the hard way.

The task is not to eliminate things that can be used as a weapon, but to master yourself, and be mature enough to not use it as a weapon just because you haven’t gotten your way.

No weapons. Just open arms. Come to me.

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