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Posts tagged ‘crack’

Retail Weirdos United

Working 3 to 10:30 until Monday kind of blows. However, working in retail is always fun when it comes to the weirdos. Yesterday was a prime example.

Yesterday, it’s about 5 o’clock when I hear someone screaming,

Yeah wha-eva wha-eva nigga!

Assuming there is going to be a fight I walk to the front. What do I see? Some hoodrat running into our store staying in plain view of the security cameras as some dude rushes in ready to play Super Punchout with her face. There she stands, taunting him with her hood vernacular while he tightens his fist. We (3 boys) get closer. One of my co-workers crosses paths with them, and the dude almost goes to fight him thinking he was about to get at him. No incident though, we just stay close. Fisticuffs then tells the chick that she can’t hide forever. He walks out… this dumb broad walks out behind him. We would have gotten in if he hit her, but nobody is leaving the store to defend you when you’re following that muthafucker. That’s your issue, parking lot pimpin’!

Hours pass without any significant incident. We close at 10pm. It’s now 9:56pm and this lady walks in with her son to check out the clearance cart. She bends down and goes,

Do I have any crack showing? ‘Cause that’s not sexy!

One or two of my co-workers looked and this lady was fueled. She might be a stripper or something because once the glance, which they took more out of not comprehending what she said than wanting to see her ass crack, took place the show began. She keeps this conversation about her ass going for about 3 or 4 minutes. Saying that she saw one of my co-workers check it out. We’re all dying laughing and then I hear over the intercom a womans voice announcing the store closing. It was just one of the guys joking around though. So the crack gets to the register and begins laughing about how she loves coming here at night because we’re funny. Meanwhile we’re thinking no… YOU’RE funny!

After checking out, my co-worker steps up on the platform and asks,

If I was this tall would you date me?

Her response sent his brain down to Mardi Gras. She looks at him and says,

Yeah, I guess it could work. It would be the perfect height.

As she says this she practically salutes his penis, grabs her sons hand, and walks out like nothing ever happened.

My co-worker now, walks her to the door, locks it and just stares at her as she turns around, both of them probably thinking the same thing.

Damn, I could have gotten some sex tonight!

Retail rawks my world!

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