I just went through a traumatic experience. I had to wait for a cab. I was also in possession of ice cream. This is a tragedy. Let me explain.
So I get out of the supermarket and walk over to the bus stop. 20 minute wait wont fly with me, my dear. So I call the cab. I tell the dispatch where I am and where I’m going, to which he says,
“Okay he’ll be there right now.”
Now… maybe I’m just weird, but to me… right now means RIGHT NOW. Like, he’s right around the corner digging his nose at a red light with 2 cigarettes in his mouth, RIGHT NOW. So I wait. Here I am! It’s right now, right now. How ironic.
So I call after 3 minutes.
“Yeah, how long on the cab to Forest and Richmond?”
What do I get in return?
“Yeah, uh, yeah he’s coming soon.”
Soon? What does that even mean, “soon”? I may die soon! Doesn’t that mean anything to you?! So I call again, this time I make my intentions known, like a kid who’s meeting his girlfriends parents for the first time.
“Look.. I have ice cream and my ice cream is melting out here. You told me right now, then it was right now, and now its now. How long on the cab?”
He tells me that the cab “should be right there”. Since the initial call, about 4 cabs have passed me just teasing me like that time I kept pulling back food and the llama tried to spit at me. Anyway, I look across the street and there he is… in the gas station… just staring at me while he waits.
When he finally decides to move, he rolls up beeping the horn as if he’s been sitting there waiting and down to only .035 of a cigarette (out of the 2). I get in, he asks where I’m going, I tell him. I look at the lady next to me and go,
“Don’t mind me, I’m disgruntled because I’m with ice cream.”
“Oh you live on Van Name too?”
No. I don’t. That isn’t what I said. So he drops her off and I get home. I pull out a 20.. he says he has no change. My man… aren’t these vital questions you should be asking before you embark on a journey?
So to all the people out there waiting on cabs, this I say to you!
Make sure the ice cream is the LAST, not the FIRST thing you pick up because you never know which no-change having, booger picking, deuce cigarette smoking cabbie you may have to wait for while your ice cream dies on the corner. It’s like a rap song.
(read: The Hug Life)